I had an amazing conversation with a girlfriend of mine tonight. I've been filming her for the documentary that I've been working on about home. She was speaking to me (and my camera) and I was thinking that she was taking the words right out of my mouth.
We have both recently come to the conclusion that we might in fact be in living in San Diego for a long time to come, and we've been wondering about the repercussions of that fact. She just got her PhD in Molecular Biology, but instead of accepting a post-doc at a prestigious east coast school she decided that she would be happier if she went a different direction with her life. Kudos to those folks whom are that self-aware, esp. after spending 6 years working on a PhD! I don’t think she knew which direction was best, but she did know it was a different direction than the one she was headed in. So, lucky for me, she’s around to contemplate my queries about where and what home is. The elusive beast!
San Diego might, in fact, be home for us. Gulp! I’ve been here almost 7 years, and she’s been here almost 9! When do we get to, or have to take ownership, of this jalopy? A few things that make it hard to imagine San Diego as home: 1) The costs of housing. 2) The fact that there are hardly seasons. 3) The apparent lack of eligible and interesting men. (If you are out there, we can’t find you.)
If we could afford houses, and have money left over to decorate them (yes, cute), if we were reminded of the sweet and serene places of our childhood where Fall and Spring ushered in snowmen and running through the sprinkler, if we could find soulful men who weren’t intimidate by a couple of smart women, yes we’d feel more at home! I’m not convinced it’s impossible. But my dear friend and I agree we can’t wait around forever, or at all for that matter. We really have to make homes for ourselves out of what we’ve got now. However that works.
Part of having a home, is having a family, or at least is having people who entirely accept you for who you are… Don’t judge you for the little insignificant things. That’s why finding a companion matters. But San Diego is hard, with all these literal and figurative freeways separating us. So many people coming and going, but I’m resolute: It will happen. Home is possible everywhere, even in San Diego.
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I love that you wrote about this! It really made me laugh, after the filming I had been a little down realizing that I still haven't made this home yet, but I think we can make it work! It involves a 2 part pact we should take... 1st Do something new every other week- goal to meet new people and enrich our lives, 2nd if one of us finds ourselves caught up in a relationship, let's not forget about the friends who made us laugh and were there when we wanted to cry. Bon courage!
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